I binned all my random conditioners seen as I'm about to be bald again, I cleared out my 27 pregnancy tests and 15 ovulation tests that aren't going to be needed again. Thought it was a good time to chuck all my Ivf medication I still had left over. This time last year we had spent 7 months having numerous attempts at fertility treatment and were about to embark on our last go of Ivf of the year. We were told we had 70 % of twins and spent our evening talking cute baby names and looking at twin cots ( anyone that knows me knows that's me all over, naming babies I haven't even conceived! ).
Who knew a year down the line I'd be here, coughing my guts up with a temp feeling pants 9 months Into a ( never ending ) nightmare. Not quite what I had planned!
My 'achievement' of the day was ordering loads of books for Madeline, my mummy is poorly, mummy loves you no matter what, mummy says I'm the best medicine, I miss my mummy etc etc
I want to be getting up at 6 am and working all day, I want to be tired because I've not stopped all day and been running round after Mads. Not because I've lay on the couch and wasted another day watching tv. I want to be able to go on our holiday to Spain that was booked for next week because Madeline doesn't remember ever being on a plane.
I spend every day trying to think of things to do that wont go away, things of me that can go in a box and last forever. I'm currently baking mine and Madeline's hand prints in play dough so they won't get squashed and be gone forever.
I want to press rewind
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