What is radiotherapy

I am currently just over half way through my radiotherapy have just woken with the start of my side effects so thought it would be a good time to blog about it!

What is radiotherapy? There is a very complex and in depth answer to that question somewhere but I'm afraid I will have to provide the easy answer! 

Radiotherapy is used in cancer care with or without chemotherapy to kill cancer cells. 

Sometimes radiotherapy is used to 'back up' the work chemotherapy has done and to reduce the chances of that cancer returning. Sometimes it is used to reduce a patients  symptoms and other times it is used in the hope it can kill all or a lot of cancer cells, ( that's what I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for ). 

Radiotherapy works by using high energy radiation beams to a specific area which kills the cancer cells. It works by interrupting the cells at a DNA level which stops them dividing and they ultimately die. 

The Beams come from a machine called a linear accelerator, the patient lies still on the bed and the machine moves around them delivering the beams to the correct area. This takes a matter is seconds or occasionally minutes and is usually repeated as a course. I was prescribed a specific dose of radiation split into 15 days ( fractions ). 

There is no pain immediately or during the procedure but side effects do build up in the area treated, this is because as well as killing cancer cells some heathy cells surrounding the cancer as affected, this is usually temporary and go a couple of weeks after treatment. 

The side effects are only in the area that was treated, so for me I have radiotherapy to my mediastinum ( if you put your palm over your heart with fingers reaching up to collar bone that is where my radiation field is ). I will have burning of the skin both at the front and the back. This is because the radiation beams are delivered from the front and the back of me. I will also 'burn' from the inside too, In the area I've been treated it will mean my oesophagus be very raw and swallowing will be painful, currently it just feels like a bit of reflux? I've been assured it will get worse! I have liquid paracetamol  to sip! 

There can be long term side effects from radiotherapy, especially if treating a big area like mine with important things in like my heart and lungs.  This can't be avoided though and I won't be complaining if all I have to worry about is long term side effects! 

That's my mini radiotherapy lesson, hope it made a little sense!! 

Ps the pics are from google and not actually me!! Xx

My heads spinning

I've been waiting for my head to stop spinning from all the things that have happened and are still happening before writing a blog, so It at least had some chance of it making some sort of sense! It seems however my head is just going to go into a bigger spin so I thought I would just bite the bullet and write something. 

I was released from what felt like prison and death row on Friday and was determined to come home and have a normal relaxed weekend which I did, although it went far to quickly! 

On Monday I was woken by nurses trying to sort out referrals to different teams, filling out more forms to enable benefits to come through more quickly now im more poorly. This was followed by another trip to Christies for bloods, seeing a Dr ( to re talk about all the jolly things we need to face ) followed by another CT scan and then home.

Today was a non Christies day and was meant to be a quick trip to Wythenshawe for an echo to establish a normal heart for when I have my transplant. That however like me ended up not being simple! I had my scan done in silence and then was told I'd need to see the doctor?! It seems I have something ' floating' on the end of my central line.  They wanted to do bloods to check for an infection but i couldn't face that again as been checked for infection and had routine bloods for last 10 days non stop and all normal. 

They then said that there was a concern with my tricuspid valve  as it had some ' vegetation' on it? They wanted to rule out endocarditis ( an infection of the heart ). Because that's all I need right now! So I now need to be admitted on Thursday nil by mouth for heavy sedation and to have a trans oesophageal echo ( via a hose pipe in my wind pipe ). Thursday was meant to be my one day off from hospital and appointments for 5 weeks but it seems it wasn't meant to be! 

So now I am under investigation in 2 hospitals just to make sure I don't get too bored!

Spoke to my consultant today and she is very sweet and is my own little fan club fighting my corner so it's always nice to speak to her. 

I'm always surrounded out of the hospital setting, with amazing family and friends who really couldn't do enough for me. Friends have set up a fundraising page called mend Maddie's mummy (  http://gogetfunding.com/project/mend-maddie-s-mummy ). Other friends have been doing things to raise money and awareness and so many people have signed upto the Anthony Nolan trust to go on the list to be a stem cell / bone marrow donor. I really am blown away. 

There is probably an awful lot of things I'm missing out of my update but my brain is a bit far behind and a bit back to front so I'm sure it will come to me at some point soon, maybe! 

How life can change so quickly

Life can change so quickly, I've just gone to find tweezers in the bathroom cupboard and decided it needed a clear out. 

I binned all my random conditioners seen as I'm about to be bald again, I cleared out my 27 pregnancy tests and 15 ovulation tests that aren't going to be needed again. Thought it was a good time to chuck all my Ivf medication I still had left over. This time last year  we had spent 7 months having numerous attempts at fertility treatment and were about to embark on our last go of Ivf of the year. We were told we had 70 % of twins and spent our evening talking cute baby names and looking at twin cots ( anyone that knows me knows that's me all over,  naming babies I haven't even conceived! ). 

Who knew a year down the line I'd be here, coughing my guts up with a temp feeling pants 9 months Into a ( never ending ) nightmare. Not quite what I had planned! 

My 'achievement' of the day was ordering loads of books for Madeline, my mummy is poorly, mummy loves you no matter what, mummy says I'm the best medicine, I miss my mummy etc etc 

I want to be getting up at 6 am and working all day, I want to be tired because I've not stopped all day and been running round after Mads. Not because I've lay on the couch and wasted another day watching tv. I want to be able to go on our holiday to Spain that was booked for next week because Madeline doesn't remember ever being on a plane. 

I spend every day trying to think of things to do that wont go away, things of me that can go in a box and last forever. I'm currently baking mine and Madeline's hand prints in play dough  so they won't get squashed and be gone forever. 

I want to press rewind